


i can't feel anything...

by BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: ??? I GUESS, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Songfic, im truly sorry, implied Rhack, listen its raining and im listening to this sad song, timtams im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 05:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15656616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops/pseuds/BetweenSheetsAndRaindrops
Summary: The dreadful response, he shouldn't be surprised, he really shouldn't.It didn't matter how many months they had been together. It all collapsed in matter of seconds. He had been kidding himself because he knew. From the way he looked at him like longing, like long lost hello.





	i can't feel anything...

**Author's Note:**

> song: The Morning After by Meg Myers
> 
> listen it was either this or something worse

He never thought himself as a tie. A root. Something, permanent. How could he, it's not like he actually could be held in any way but someone to stay a night.

That was the story of his life.

It mattered little. No touch, hug, or kiss could change it. He wanted to believe that perhaps, with time, he could be better. that maybe he could finally be himself. Somewhere down the road he lost it. He fought for that, to at least hold himself true. To be him even if he was paid otherwise. His self-identity is what often held him through cold nights, the ones filled with hunger and that often lacked a bed to sleep on. Days that sometimes turned to weeks of what felt like isolation. 

He didn't fuzz about it much at first. It brought him new horizons. He saw beautiful things, earned lovely toys. Unfortunately, not all that shine was gold. Soon enough darkness leaked through as one body became two, then ten, and soon enough he simply forgot the count.

He wasn't proud, he was just a guy trying to survive. To anyone else it might have been justifiable. The first true hesitation was a simple AI. That wasn't even human and yet he felt part of him break. Like his insides were mushed in some sort of disgusting tar that twisted with blood. It crunched and revolted his insides. He would have been fine if he had at least felt nauseous. Hell, he would have loved it if the pain struck his heart but it hit his conscience instead. From then on his world turned to darker tones.

Humor did little to cover his own disgust. Often just hearing himself talk. Disassociation became second nature and soon enough his gateway. 

He didn't know that what would be his end was one simple man.

Brown and honey-gold.

He should have known. The moment he saw him, he felt it. He was damn pretty, damn cute, and smart. He saw a man with means, a glitch of one that he had seen... once... long ago. A ghost of the past really, nothing more.

A man that spoke of dreams. One that spoke to him sweet, that made him believe. God, did he believe. That days could be better, that nights felt alive. That each caress was worth a moment to live once more. That nights of whispers were more than just murmurs that would disappear like the morning dew.

He should have known.

But what can a guy like him, one that wonders and longs to rest, do. A homeless man, which longs for more and yet couldn't. What then?

The long kisses he wholeheartedly gave. The moments they spoke of the future. The ones where he would tell him how they would be better. That maybe they would get a cat, and how he laughed. God, He loved his laugh, so carefree. Adored the way he would blush when he told him pretty words, kissed his cheeks. Or when he embarrassed him in front of his friends. 

How could anyone face someone, more like hold someone the way he did to him?

When faced with the truth, the fucking truth, it's hilarious really. He had to, of course he had to tell him those three damn words. He thought it wise to tell him in the middle of the night. He was asleep, and he held him so preciously. It didn't matter, because those three words... it made no difference.

The dreadful response, he shouldn't be surprised, he really shouldn't.

It didn't matter how many months they had been together. It all collapsed in matter of seconds. He had been kidding himself because he knew. From the way he looked at him like longing, like a long lost hello. Like some sort of chance. Whether or not it was for redemption, it was lost to him. Not that it mattered much now.  
   
Who was _he_ again?... did it matter?

Maybe he could have seen this coming. Was it in the way the man cooked for him? That way the scrambled eggs and toast were done, coincidentally, the same way he once had to memorize. It was the hesitation to dance, maybe that was it. How he constantly asked his lover for a dance and he would refuse unless he was drunk. And when he was drunk the man held on to him as is he would vanish. Perhaps it was in the way his wrist tattoo was stroke, like something delicate. He should have known most of all when the other man would hold his face, how he would trace his features with the tips of his fingers.

 

_"Me too, Jack."_

 

Maybe one day his Rhys would sleep with his marigold. When all Rhys's dreams, **their** dreams come true. He knew he would, he knew it while he got dressed. He knew it when he grabbed the backpack he had hidden deep on his side of the closet. The one he was told he didn't need anymore, not now that they had a place together. He also knew each day he woke up alone. It was embedded in the routine each morning and as another night came by. He knew as his feet brought him to snow once more and he knew it when he finally found a little place he called his own in the middle of nowhere.

Most of all he knew that even then, when they slept. He felt it as he knew that his ghost was tearing them apart at night. In reality, that beast was simply holding on to his love. Out of all the possible things. Because in reality that beast caught his eyes, that brown and honey-gold, and he was damn from that point on. Because his lover wasn't at all his and neither were their dreams.

He doesn't feel much these days.

No, not anymore.

 

 


End file.
